Who won the Students vs. Employees Kickball Game? Read the hilarious recaps from both sides
The Students vs. Employees Kickball Game was held on Sept. 19 at Langell-Whittingham Field. The students, armed with their youthful exuberance and boundless energy, were determined to prove that they could outclass their older, wiser and significantly less coordinated opponents. And prove they did. The Pulse asked each side to share their commentary on the game. Here’s what student and staff participants had to say:
THE STUDENT PERSPECTIVE
by Ethan Sontz, M2
The 2017 Houston Astros, the 2007 New England Patriots, the 2023 University of Michigan football team, and the 2024 NEOMED employee kickball team. What do these entities have in common you may be asking? Well, these are all notorious cheaters in sports history.
The annual NEOMED Faculty-Student Kickball Game started off just like any other major rivalry game. Extensive media coverage, fan tailgating, and a palpable aura that something great was about to happen. Unfortunately, for the fans of the employee kickball team, that aura was short-lived as the game got underway. Second year medical student Dean Esmail had three catches in a row at first base to cap off an electric first inning, which quickly sucked the spirit out of the employee kickball team. The students rode the momentum in the bottom of the first scoring the game’s first run, a lead that that was never relinquished.
The lead ballooned to 7-0 late in the game, and it looked like the employees would never score a run. Enter second year medical student, Pete Jordanides at pitcher. The second-year medical student and part-time point shaver did everything in his power to let the employees back in the game. The employees capitalized on the unorthodox pitching of Jordanides and a missed catch by second year ultra marathon runner Hunter Bonfiglio to cut the score to 7 to 2. On the employee side, the runs were sparked by their undeniable MVP, Craig Theissen’s daughter, who managed to score more runs than her father in only one at-bat.
Dejected by a seemingly insurmountable lead, the employee started to show their true colors. Shirt pulling, base-path blocking, and unwarranted threats of professional-concern notifications were just some of the questionable tactics pulled by the blue-shirted staff. At one point, Craig Theissen threatened to shut off an M2 student’s UWorld account.
Trailing 13 to 2 entering the final inning, supposedly unbiased referee Brian Butler pulled one final trick to try and spur an employee comeback. With the strength of three oxen, he single-handedly pulled the soccer goal from the far end of the field into the kickball diamond and announced that any employee kick that landed in the goal would be scored a home-run. The unflappable students handled this completely unwarranted gesture with the grace of champions, and quickly ended the game with their closer, first-year pharmacy student, Jacob Sirofchuck, on the mound. Somewhere far in the distance, fireworks erupted signaling the close of another successful NEOMED Faculty-Student Kickball Game.
Jokes aside, the decisive victory by the students was the least important highlight of the game. The second annual NEOMED Faculty-Student Kickball Game was not just successful because the students won for the second year in a row; the game offered a chance for employee and students to share the field in a light spirited game to further closeness of the NEOMED community. Although friendly trash talk was featured, the game saw much more smiling and laughing. Everyone who played in the game as well as spectators in attendance left Langell-Whittingham Field feeling like winners because of the special community that NEOMED offers. Well, of course, the students felt like REAL winners. Three-peat incoming next year.
THE EMPLOYEE PERSPECTIVE
by Brian Butler, College of Medicine and totally unbiased referee
On a sunny Thursday afternoon, a peculiar clash of titans unfolded on the hallowed grounds of Langell Field. Now two years in a row, technically making it a tradition, NEOMED students have shown an utter lack of respect, or even pity, for their elders, at the Week of Wellness Student v. Employee Kickball Game.
A motley crew of students, armed with little more than youthful exuberance and questionable athletic prowess, faced off against their teachers, who came equipped with wisdom, cunning, and an alarming number of orthopedic shoes. The air was thick with anticipation, laughter, and the unmistakable scent of sunscreen.
Both sides came sporting team shirts that commemorated the event and are now destined to eventually buff the wax off of someone’s dad’s car, as is the fate of all event t-shirts. The referee, the honorable Brian Butler, stood at the sidelines clutching a whistle, ready to impose his unquestionable authority, wondering how anyone made the mistake of giving it to him a second time.
An early power struggle over who would be the employee team captain was diplomatically settled by an impromptu trivia challenge pertaining to “famous captains.” Perry Alexandrides bested challenger Liz Bacus in this endeavor and thus took on the illustrious role that in fact served no purpose beyond showing up for the coin toss, winning it by virtue of the student representative guessing incorrectly. The employees elected to kick first, perhaps having the foresight to get everyone home half an inning earlier.
The first pitch proved that using the same overinflated, misshapen ball as last year, although objectively hilarious, was perhaps not the best move if the goal was to pitch strikes, kick far, or by any measure: play kickball. As the first kick sent the ball soaring through the air, and directly into the hands of a student defender, it became clear that the students intended to leverage their advantage of general athleticism. This was rather unsportsmanlike, if you as this anonymous and unbiased reporter. After 3 or so pitches, and 3 or so outs, the teams promptly switched sides so the students could begin running laps around the bases.
With a series of kicks that would make even an ornery mule envious, the students sent the ball rocketing past the teachers, who were still attempting to grasp the more advanced maneuvers such as “catching” and “throwing.” In stark contrast, Dr. Doug Moses, avid Sports Dad, executed an impressive double-play, catching a fly ball near first and quickly tagging out a runner on his way to second base.
At some point in the game, for reasons still unknown, two students came up to bat holding hands as if about to embark on a stroll through a field of daisies. This display of lackadaisical kinship was met with a rubber ball hurtling toward them with the velocity of a speeding bullet (if bullets traveled at approximately 12 mph). After Ethan Sontz kicked the ball foul about 800 times (±796), they majestically coordinated their kick and earned themselves dual passage to first base, where they continued to hold hands. Truly a better love story than Twilight.
As in all good sports films, the staff eventually played the ace up their sleeve, calling in some all-star players meant to save the day. This came in the form of Craig Theissen’s young daughters, ages 6 and 9, who managed to score a goal by virtue of students rightfully hesitating to throw them out, because “really, dude, she’s a child. Have a heart!”
By the time the final whistle blew—signifying not just the end of the game but the beginning of another 12-hour study session the students undoubtedly needed to get back to—the score was a staggering 19 to 2. The faculty and staff, while licking their wounds and nursing their pride, had no choice but to concede defeat and make hollow plans to do things like “practice” next year. As the students danced around the diamond like peacocks, utterly failing to form a line for the post-game handshakes, a sense of fulfillment was felt by all. Because after all, it’s not whether you win or lose, but how you cope with humiliation through cheeky post-game Pulse articles.